Here is a short list of things I have not yet forgiven (in no particular order): -My mother throwing away my pillow when I was 12. It had, like, 6 feathers left in it and was super ultra soft. She insists that it was covered in formula from when I was an infant but I don't remember it that way.
—The DMV not letting me make a funnier face in my license. My current photo is good but I could have done so much better.
—Not allowing myself to buy the 3-foot tall penis statue in Portugal.
—Not using Joanna's mouth just once.
—Not trying sushi until I was 24.
—For unnecessarily apologizing to an old lady for a reenactment of the exploding of the Spaceship Columbia using a banana and a bag of Skittles on a supermarket check-out line. It was a knee jerk reaction. But it didn't make my depiction any less accurate.
—Not applying myself to even one class in college.
—Not having my ribs removed so I could get it in my mouth.
—Being blacked out for the majority of my 20s.
—Joanna Angel, for telling me Pussy on Rotisserie isn't the best name ever for a BBQ-themed porn.
—The cab driver who ran me over crossing South Street in Philadelphia.