Metal Blade Records put out the early Slayer records, so I am eternally grateful to them. My heart sings when I listen to "Live Undead", recorded at the now defunct Birch Hill in Old Bridge, NJ, and Tom Araya says, "This one goes out to our Old Bridge militia!" I love that shit. The last show I saw at Birch Hill was Flogging Molly on the night that we buried my friend, Chris Marshall.

But the show before that was Slayer. Slayer was already huge and I had just saw them play Giants Stadium the day before, on an insane metal billing co-head-lining with Metallica. But despite their fame and popularity, they’d always come back and play Birch Hill. Birch hill held 500 people, maybe. The owners smelled money and sold 900 tickets to this Slayer show. To say it was ass to elbow makes it sound roomy. It was a sauna. There was no pit because no one could move. I prayed the place didn’t Great White because we’d all burn.

I tapped a large man on the shoulder and asked him to throw me in the air in the direction of the bar. I crowd-surfed all the way to the bartender and an ice cold beer; which got piss warm in seconds due to the body heat in the room. The only hope of refreshment was to slam each and every beer as soon as it was presented. I did that for about 6 beers and then I had to piss. But I was trapped. Getting to the bathroom was an impossibility. So I began slamming my beers and pissing into the 12oz plastic cup after each one, then setting them at the end of the bar, away from me. The urine would steam for a moment, but quickly adapt to the room temperature and appear to be a full, FREE cup of beer.

And who can refuse a free beer? Especially when they’re selling for $8 a pop? One by one, I watched men and women, young and old, drink my piss. I enjoyed myself so much that I really didn’t even pay attention to Slayer’s set; instead choosing to watch the varying facial reactions to my fluids. Some people knew it was piss before it hit their lips; others needed a few sips to be certain.

I’m sure Anima is good because I trust Metal Blade. They’ve given me a lot of great memories over the years.

More stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com.