Wikipedia says a Phantogram is a "free-standing anaglyphs, levitated images, and book anaglyphs, are a form of optical illusion." I don’t like illusions, unless Job from Arrested Development is performing them. I especially liked when he made the boat disappear.

I once - long ago, for a brief instant - desired to be a magician. I was given some of those "magic" rings that have a slice in one of them to make you trick people into thinking you’re somehow magically joining three solid rings.

I wear glasses. I think I was born with glasses because I have been wearing them forever. I sometimes wonder if I invented glasses inside my mother's womb. If I did, I believe that I should receive some sort of inventors' credit and most certainly some kickback residuals from Lens Crafters and anyone who makes, sells, imports or exports my invention (GLASSES).

I mention I wear glasses only to inform you that I can’t see very well. So when performing the "magic" trick with my rings, I would have a difficult time seeing where the cut in the one ring was and my performance would generally fail. Also, when showing the audience (my mom) that the rings were completely solid, I would forget to cover the slice in the ring with my hand.

You now understand why I hate David Blaine and anyone else who performs magic. Except the masked magician, or whatever his name is, because he makes all the other magicians cry because he tells their secrets. I like when magicians cry.

Had I been a better magician, I probably wouldn’t feel this way but I wasn’t and so I do. As for this band, Wikipedia says, "Phantogram is an American electronic rock duo from Saratoga Springs consisting of guitarist Josh Carter and keyboardist Sarah Barthel."

I have never been to Saratoga Springs, but I once went to Colorado Springs and watched my friend get a misspelled tattoo while two topless chicks made out. That’s the only kind of magic I like anymore.

More stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com.