I like that Kylee Kross is back. I always liked the tattooed guns she has on her hips. When I interviewed her years ago, she told me, "I got those when I was 17; just turning 18 and it was the only area I could get something where my parents wouldn’t see. I figured I wanted something that was really hot so I was like, 'Hmmm. Guns?' There’s something about them that just screams hot."

She also told me a bunch of good stripper fight stories, but I guess anyone who has stripped has stripper fight stories. I have never stripped so I have no stripper fight stories. I kind of feel like I’ve missed out on something not having any stripper fight stories of my own. I’d like some stripper fight stories of my own. Maybe I should start stripping. But I can’t help but wonder if male strippers get into fights the same way catty female strippers do? Perhaps to get the full experience, I’d have to go undercover, in drag, as a female stripper at a female strip club and then - AND ONLY THEN - would I be able to get into some fights with strippers so I could have my own stripper fight stories.

But I think I’d feel bad fighting a girl, undercover or not. Maybe I could tell them I was undercover, and we could fight "for pretend", but that might defeat the purpose. Maybe I could just pay a stripper to fight me. Like instead of a lapdance, I could be like, "Do you think I could give you $20 and we could fight for a song?" I’m sure that’s something that I’d have to negotiate for a time when the stripper was off work, because I can’t see any bouncers letting me fight a stripper inside the club. But it would be funny if they did. And I was in drag. And I was yelling, "Save me! Save me! She’s beating me with her vagina!"

Do strippers scream, "Save me!" when they’re fighting? Does anyone?

More stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com.