Morningwood's Lead Singer, Chantal!

Joanna: It already looks a little creepy...(They both start pretending they're making a porno, Joanna in a creepy voice and Chantal in a little girl's voice) "She's barely 18..."

Chantal: "What are you doing here?"

Joanna: "Is this your first time...?"

Chantal: "Thanks for coming to my sleepover."

(Joanna's laughing. Then she gets serious...)

Joanna: So this is me and Chantal and we're in our Pjs because we like being in our Pjs -

Chantal: - Yeah! Girl party.

Joanna: Yeah, this is our slumber party.

Chantal: Yeah, we're gonna paint each other's nails...

Joanna:...yeah, and have a tea party. And then maybe we're gonna talk about boys.

Chantal: Yeah, they're SO weird.

(Joanna laughs)

Joanna: Yeah, so that's what's going on now.

Chantal: I wore my favorite “kitten and puppies” pajamsas.

Joanna: Wow, those are really nice. Let's make sure to see them - (Camera zooms in as Joanna points to a puppy on Chatal's pjs that happens to be located on her boob area). We're going to pretend that we're looking at the puppies, but we're really looking at your boobs!

Chantal: That happens all the time! Even when I'm not wearing puppies on my shirt, people are like, “We're looking at the puppies!” and I'm like, “There's no puppies, you pervert!” Actually, someone made a Twitter account for my boobs.

Joanna: Really?

Chantal: Yeah – Chantal's boobs.

Joanna: I'm gonna follow it.

Chantal: I'm half flattered, but they're also taking certain liberties, and like, making it their own Twitter account -

Joanna: - no! You have to take control of it!

Chantal: Yeah, and they're doing things like one letter off movie titles and things like that, and I'm like, “My boobs wouldn't do that!”

Joanna: Your boobs wouldn't do that. Your boobs are smart. They're college graduate boobs.

Chantal: Yeah, and they're really witty, so I'm like, “Please, don't judge my boobs as jokes.” Cause they're serious boobs.

Joanna: You gotta take it over. Well, do we tell people to follow your boobs on Twitter? Or do we ban it?

Chantal: No, hell yeah – they can follow it. If it gets really annoying, though, I'm just gonna make another Twitter like, “Chantal's REAL Boobs” -

(Joanna starts hysterically laughing)

Chantal: Now they're doing this thing where you can make body parts Twitter pages for celebrities and musicians and things...

Joanna: Oh – I want one!

Chantal: Someone has to make it for you, so if there's a fan reading this...they can make one for you.

Joanna: Ok...to all my fans reading this: if you want to make a Twitter account for my ass, it's available!

Chantal: Well, but you sort of want to be in control of it, you know? I have no idea who is controlling mine. I really want it to be a 13-year-old girl or something, but I know it's, like, a 60-year-old man.

(Joanna makes a funny face)

Joanna: I'm not allowed to acknowledge that 13-year-olds exist!

Chantal: An 18-year-old then...a hot 18-year-old girl who loves my boobies! (Joanna is laughing)

Chantal: I never really thought of that...that's crazy -

Joanna: Yeah, they don't exist. I've never heard of them.

Chantal: That's at bat mitzvah age, right?

Joanna: Ummm...I was born at 18.

(Both laugh)

Joanna: Ok, but um...you do other things...other than your boobs...you are in a band...what's it called?

Chantal: Chantal's Boobs! No, just kidding...it's called Morningwood. Which is MUCH different!

Joanna: Do your boobs play an instrument?

Chantal: Um, they're pretty much the star of the show. They don't play an instrument, but they generate a lot of hype. I touch my breasts all the time, and when I'm on stage, I do the same. Before I go on stage, too, I get my nipples hard.

Joanna: Really?

Chantal: Yeah...it gets me really pumped up to give em a hard pinch and then slap my face. Yeah, so a pinch of the nipple and a slap in the face.

Joanna: And you're the only girl in the band?

Chantal: Yes, the only girl and that's the only way I'd have it.

Joanna: Right, not like a chick band.

Chantal: Yeah, I mean if I wanted to be in a chick band, I'd start a chick band. I mean, we had a girl for a hot minute and I was like, 'Meh, I like boys...' There could only be one.

Joanna: So how long have you guys been around for?

Chantal: Forever! Since the end of 2001. So, that's a long time...pretty crazy.

Joanna: Were you going strong the whole time, or...?

Chantal: Well, we ran into something – we took a 3-year break on putting out records...not because we wanted to but...uh...the record industry is in, like, a fart bubble, so it was just label bullshit, and then getting dropped, and then getting a new record contract, which took awhile, SO we finally are getting to release a new record!

Joanna: And this is a new label, right?

Chantal: Yeah – VH1 is starting a new label and we're the first band they're releasing, which is pretty nuts.

Joanna: So you'll probably be ON VH1...

Chantal: Oh yeah – I've turned the TV on twice already and seen us on it. It's weird cause when I hear it at first I'm like, “Why do I know that song?” and then I'm like, “Oh, that's ME! I'm singing!”

Joanna: And they're good?

Chantal: They love us...I mean, they really support us and they get it...more than any other label has got it. So, they're beyond sweet about it, and they want this to work as much as we do.

Joanna: And so when does the record drop?

Chantal: Tomorrow – October 27th...so I don't know when this is going up -

Joanna: Yeah, it's probably not going up tomorrow, but...

Chantal: Ok, well then (turns to the camera
): The record is out! Go get it! It's called Diamonds and Studs.

Joanna: Diamonds and Studs...that's a good name. It's kind of gangster.

Chantal: It's kind of gangster...but kind of hot. Like I was thinking of hot stud dudes in diamonds being kind of girly...and it's all soft and shiny -

Joanna: - has anyone ever bought you a diamond?

Chantal: Uhh...my wedding ring. Nothing, like, blingy. Have you ever gotten a diamond?

Joanna: No. I got my own diamonds (Joanna pulls her pants down a little to show off her diamond tattoos).

Chantal: Oh, well there you go! I don't like big flashy jewelry. I didn't want to have it and then lost it on tour and stop everything and turn the lights on in the middle of a show and be like, “We're looking for a moderate-sized diamond...”

(Joanna laughs)

Joanna: Well, that's good...so what are your songs about? You write dirty songs.

Chantal: We DO write dirty songs...that's sort of our thing-ish.

Joanna: Are you dirtier than the guys in the band?

Chantal: Ummm, I'm probably... - yeah, I'm definitely the dirtiest one. At least in my mind...well, no, I verbalize it too – yeah, I'm the dirtiest!

(Joanna laughs)

Chantal: Although Pedro something hits me back with something and I'm like, “Why did you just say that – WHAT!? My viringal ears...” Cause I have, like, virginal ears...I have thee dirtiest soapbox mouth ever, but my ears are still virginal. But the songs, though, aren't really like dirty...they're more lustful.

Joanna: Yeah...

Chantal: You know, like people write love songs...we write LUST songs.

Joanna: I like that, I like that.

Chantal: Yeah, I'm a lusty passionate person.

Joanna: Lust is probably stronger than love anyway -

Chantal: Fuck yeah! I believe in “lust at first sight”. That's your next movie!

(Joanna laughs)

Chantal: Yeah, I want to write a song called “Lust at Firs Sight”, so I write the theme song and you make the movie.

Joanna: Ok, awesome!

Chantal: I read another interview with someone, which I'm not going to talk about, but he said he really wants to write the score, but I want to do it!

Joanna: Oh, ok...a lot of people say they want to, and then they don't do it.

Chantal: Well no, my husband really wants to get into that...he's here and he's not touring, so he really wants to do that. He's amazing.

Joanna: Well, that's cool...are you touring a lot?

Chantal: We were supposed to be touring with Papa Roach and Jet, but the part of the tour we were doing with them sort of fell through, so we'll be doing a couple shows with them in New York and Philly and Florida...and then we're sort of taking a break. We haven't toured, though, in like three years.

Joanna: Is the rest of the band in NY or...LA?

Chantal: Pedro is in New York, our drummer is in Colorado and our guitar player is in upstate NY, so we're all over the place.

Joanna: So how does that work? Where do you practice?

Chantal: We meet in the middle...like Texas! No, just kidding. Today we're practicing in LA, just cause we're playing a show here tomorrow and we're all here...

Joanna: So sometimes you practice here, sometimes in NY -

Chantal: - NY...wherever we have a show the next day, we'll practice.

Joanna: Do you ever feel like people in NY are upset because you don't live there anymore, like the fans and stuff? -

Chantal: Pedro! Pedro was really upset. He was upset at me for awhile, cause I sort of moved without telling him...but not really, cause I made the decision to move without telling him, cause I knew he would be sorta bummed that I was moving, so I made the decision and he found out about it from someone else that I was moving to LA, so he was sorta bummed out...which I can understand. But no, I think New York is sort of a ghost town to me anyways, and it's just not the same town I grew up in, and -

Joanna: But you guys were like a New York band -

Chantal: We were a “NY scene band” but there was, like, no “scene”. Our music doesn't sound like we're in a basement...it's not, like, “indie”...so it didn't really fit into the “NY scene”. People just lumped us in there. We weren't trying to sound indie.

Joanna: You want to make big, good music...you want to make pop music good...cause there's a lot of bad pop music out there.

Chantal: Yeah, exactly. We got a lot of hate from NY too, cause they were like, “How dare you make something that's not dusty and dingy sounding!”

Joanna: Well, a lot of those people are still in their basements...

Chantal: Yeah! And I'm swimming in my pool in LA...sunbathing and – well, not really sunbathing...

(Joanna laughs)

Joanna: Jews can't sunbathe.

Chantal: No way man...I still have my tan lines from our trip to Bora Bora last March for our honeymoon.

Joanna: Wow.

Chantal: Jews cannot sunbathe at all.

Joanna: I try! When I go to Miami I try. And then you see these other girls on the beach and they tan in, like, ten minutes.

Chantal: But I don't like being in the sun. It makes me feel, like, greasy and dirty.

Joanna: Yeah, no...it's not for us...it's not for me. I don't like being in the sand either -

Chantal: Yuck!

(Joanna laughs)

Chantal: Getting it all over yourself and in your ass...it's disgusting.

Joanna: Yeah, but it doesn't seem to bother anyone else.

Chantal: No, I hate it. I like a pool. I like a clean pool. Plus, I have a huge dabilitating fear of sharks. I know it's irrational, but -

Joanna: There are sharks here though.

Chantal: There are sharks everywhere...I'm afraid of sharks in lakes.

(Joanna laughs a lot)

Chantal: No, like I went on a board...what do you call them...with a sail?

Joanna: A sailboat? Jet ski?

Chantal: No...like a board with a sail and you stand on it?

Joanna: Oh, wind sailing?

Chantal: Yeah – wind surfing! And someone was like, “Shark!” in a lake and they had to tow me in cause I was petrified. There obviously was no shark though. Somebody just said “shark” and I freaked out. I've been in the ocean twice in the past twelve years.

Joanna: So what kind of porn do you like to watch? I know you like porn.

Chantal: Well my personally, my ultimate favorite is the 70s soft porn, Emmanuelle, where it's like really fuzzy lighting. My dream is to direct something like that, just make it super 70s -

Joanna: I know a lot of people who do that.

Chantal: But I always want to make this – I always instant message you and I'm like, “I've got the most genius idea for a porn!”

(Both laugh)

Chantal: I like when girls scissor.

Joanna: Yeah, I remember. It's hard though cause in porn, people want to see everything...and with scissoring, you really can't see much.

Chantal: Yeah. There's this one – I can't really go into details with this...this is like...(in a funny voice)this is so private!

(Joanna laughs hysterically)

Chantal: I just think it's so hot.

Joanna: Did you ever scissor with a girl?

Chantal: Have I? Yeah. There's really not much else to do when you don't have...stuff. I've had sexy time with a girl and I've been like, “This is nice...this is great...this is awesome...you know what might make this so much better? If she had a penis!”

(Joanna laughs)

Chantal: And then I was like, “Well, I guess I'm not a lesbian.” I try to get James to scissor with me, but it just doesn't work so well. I just like the rubbing against the thing...it brings me back to when I was a kid. You know? I just like the dry-humping.

Joanna: Well, maybe I should come over tonight and scissor you.

(Both laugh)

Chantal: I'll just tell James to go back to sleep: “Joanna just came over to scissor...go back to bed...don't worry about it.” I mean, when I was young, I was always a very sexual child. And I did dirty stuff with other kids. I was a mega pervert when I was young, and I constantly try to recreate that in my adult life. I still have the same fetishes that I did when I was five-years-old...like, “Shh...be quiet! Someone's coming!”

Joanna: So you like, like, sneaky sex...like it's a secret. You still want to feel like you're doing something wrong...

Chantal: YEAH!!!

(Joanna laughs)

Joanna: Well maybe in your next video, you should have some scissoring.

Chantal: I'm sure VH1 would love that. We had an orgy in our last video, and I think that's the closest we're gonna get. I was making out with this girl from high school, actually.

Joanna: (Turns to the camera) She's not IN high school!

Chantal: No no, she's not in high school. I directed her in high school in a school project, in this play I directed. And she was a couple years younger than me and a great actress, and I was looking on Facebook for girls to make out with – I think I hit you up and was like, “Do you know any BurningAngels...” But then I sent out this email on Facebook and she wrote me back and was like, “I've always wanted to make out with you, since High School.” And I was like, “Whoa!”

Joanna: So on the video, that's real – that's not a hired actor.

Chantal: And then, the comment after that was from my English/Homeroom teacher that said: “Do you need a guy to watch?”

Joanna: Really!?!

Chantal: I was like, “Whoa! Mr. Bender!” He was a great teacher.

Joanna: Well, does your husband get intimidated that you have a big porn collection?

Chantal: He loves it...he thinks it's really cute. He loves looking at all the 70s soft porn that I get on Netflix.

Joanna: You like being the dirty on?

Chantal: James and I are pretty dirty equally. We love being sweet, but we're also super dirty. It's great. I love it. We're perfect for each other in that regard. We're both dirty, creepy pervs.

Joanna: So what's next? You got the album coming out, shows...

Chantal: Yeah. I want to do a Risky Business show...where we all come out in white underwear, and we spend the whole show going back and forth with the slide. We went to – you remember Motherfucker? Pedro and I went to Halloween for Motherfucker like that.

Joanna: That was such a fun party. I went to the first Motherfucker...at Mother.

Chantal: Yeah, it was a always a consistently good party...they're doing a movie about it that I was interviewed for – were you interviewed for the movie?

Joanna: Yeah, I was.

Chantal: Those were the good ole days in NY. I'm surprised we didn't meet before.

Joanna: We probably did...some of those days were a little hazy.

Chantal: No, I would remember.

Joanna: We actually did once -

Chantal: WHAT!?!

Joanna: It was at a bar and it was, like, 5 o'clock in the morning and you were really drunk and you were talking about going on Letterman for the first time, to the bartender, and it was Halloween.

Chantal: Oh! Was it at lit?

Joanna: It wasn't at Lit.

Chantal: It was either at Lit or Don Hill's or 2A.

Joanna: It was at 2A – that's exactly where it was!

Chantal: Yeah, yeah– we did Letterman and then we played at 2A...I remember. And I was talking to Donovan, the bartender there.

Joanna: Yeah...but we didn't know each other then, so I didn't say anything.

Chantal: And now we're in the Valley. I mean, now we're here in Los Angeles.

Joanna: I go back to NY all the time.

Chantal: I get out of there as fast as possible...whenever I go there, I'm crashing on someone's couch and I just bust out of there as soon as possible.

Joanna: I still have my place there. The BurningAngel office is there, so it's nice – I can stay there.

Chantal: That's, like, our dream. To have a little weigh station in Manhattan.

Joanna: It might be some place in Brooklyn.

Chantal: Fuck that shit! I feel like I still have to have a passport to go to Brooklyn.

(Joanna laughs hysterically)

Chantal: I'm a Manhattanite, I'm such an asshole when it comes to shit like that. So I'm like, “What!?! Go to Brooklyn!?!” The only way I'd go to Brooklyn is for, like, karaoke...or if I'm shit-faced...or back when I was single, if I wanted to get laid, I'd be like, “Alright, let's go to Brooklyn!” I'm so bad...I did so much bad shit. I'm surprised I didn't make a porn.

Joanna: You know...it was because it was before people had flip cams. Now everyone makes porno. I was talking to some guy the other day and he bought a copy of LA Pink, and he was talking to me about making a porn and he was like, “Hey, you wanna see?” and he just whipped out his phone and showed me.

Chantal: That reminds me – you were on LA Ink. Which tattoo did you get?

Joanna: Oh, I got this one...

(Joanna shows her the tattoo she got on LA Ink)

Chantal: I'm going on it next week. Cat's tattooing me.

Joanna: What are you getting?

Chantal: I'm getting “Tour Crush” - it's what James and I have been calling each other since we met on tour...and we had crushes on each other. That's as close as I'll ever get to having someone's name tattooed on me. And we started a clothing line called Tour Crush -

Joanna: - Oh really?

Chantal: Yeah – I'll bring you a T-shirt. So yeah, I'm getting our little pet names for each other.

Joanna: Well, I really enjoyed our pajama party together! And now I'm tired, which means we need to go to bed. We should cuddle...

Chantal: And scissor!

(The two girls lie down under the covers and cuddle and talk about the joys of the Robyn Bird show...The End.)