Dear Joanna's Ass: Why is almost all porn shot on couches? Can we bring beds back and be all old-school and shit?

Yours Truly,
Bed Lover

You can get a lot more cool angles on a couch than you can on a bed. Sometimes if a bed is too squishy, people wind up sinking into it and then you miss all the good stuff. Also, porn stars have very busy lives - being on set one day, then getting on a plane and going to a convention or dancing, then back to set, then doing interviews and press and updating our websites...people are worried that if we get on a bed that we might just fall asleep and that would make for some terrible porno.

To Joanna's Sexy Ass,

First, thanks for showing me that anal can be great. If it wasn't for you, my ass would still be a virgin. Second, how do I get my dude to let me stick things in his ass? He is really straight and freaks out if I get anywhere near his asshole. I even tried sneaking my pinky in there while giving him really good head and he freaked. He only lets me get as far as the back of his balls. I tried explaining to him that anal can be amazing, that I love it and that he would probably like it even more than me, but he is convinced that it is gross. Even though he sticks his cock in my ass. Thanks!

It sounds like...there is nothing you can do. I'm sorry. It sounds like your dude just really doesn't want anything in his ass. When girls put something in their ass, they start to feel really dirty in a good way - they are like, "Yeah woohoo! This is so wrong but ooooh so right!" It brings out the dirty little slut inside of us. Men on the other hand - unless they are really into it - they start to feel emasculated. They just don't feel sexy or confident anymore...they feel violated. He might change as he gets older. Once men get past that stage in their lives where they care so much about what their friend's think, they can become more open to anal play. Regardless if you are a man or a woman - you really can't force anyone to do something sexually they absolutely don't want to do. Sometimes girls think they can get away with it, because we are really good at batting our eyelashes and asking for things...but...sometimes you gotta just swallow your pride and know that you can't always get what you want.

Joanna's Ass,

Got an ass question for you! I get off from licking chocolate off a girl's asshole. Smearing it on her butthole and eating it. It lets my tongue go deeper inside as the chocolate melts and turns into a sweet tasting goo. :) And then sucking her ass clean. What other things could I use to lick off?

Sincerely,
Chocolate Star Licker

Hmm. How about uh...whip cream? Or uh...root beer? Maybe some hummus? Just go in your fridge and see what's there. I am pretty sure anything that is spreadable or liquid would work. Are you sure you are really licking her ass clean? Because if there is some chocolate left over that is stuck in her ass, she could get a nasty infection. Maybe she should give herself a hot water enema after this little ritual of yours. Just sayin.