I’m sure there are a bunch of lesbians who are pretty pissy about Katy Perry capitalizing on their box chomping scene with her curious track "I Kissed A Girl" and rightfully so; she’s not out on the frontlines getting her fingers and face dirty (literally) in the name of same-sexiness. But for me, I don’t really give a shit. I don’t listen to anything Katy Perry says. I just look at her lips and tits and in the background hear her say that she kissed a girl and she liked it and I think to myself, "Ok, maybe she’d fuck my wife. Probably not, but I can pretend. And I will." And then I imagine all sorts of naughtiness happening between her and my betrothed.

That’s basically how I deal with any hot ladies actually, regardless of whether they say they enjoy girl-on-girl action or not. Women start talking and I start imagining. There’s not one set of photos on Burning Angel that I haven’t fantasized about my wife being a part of. Remember when I reviewed that Civet CD and I cut the girls in the band's heads off and taped them to some of the ladies on the site? That’s basically what I do in my brain all day, every day. Just this week, my wife has already had Laundry Lovin’ with Andy San Dimas and some evil Dong of the Dead sex with Joanna (the role of James was played by me, naturally).

If any ladies are interested in ACTUALLY having sex with my wife, get a hold of me through Jojo (who my wife and I have also had a mental 3-way with). But I won’t wait by the email. I’ve given up on any hopes of it happening and resolved to live in this Land of 3-Way Make Believe. And that’s fine. You can’t always get what you want.

As for this CD, like I said, I don’t listen to what hot chicks have to say. If a plastic surgeon wants to really make a name for himself and do humanity a favor, he should figure out how to relocate a woman’s mouth closer to her tits.

And Unplugged? Does she even play an instrument?

More stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com.