Dear Joanna,

How have you been able to assk for forgiveness on Yom Kippur?

I fasted - that's really the best I can do. I have been around a lot of other asses in my time and I think I am a pretty kind and giving ass compared to others. I am very accepting of other people and I am always trying to give back to the ass community.

Hi sweetheart, I'm 28 and I'm with a beautiful cougar who's 40. We love each other to death and  it's a serious relationship. I thought we'd be married soon, but...One little problem has come up: I recently found out that my girlfriend tried anal sex in a past relationship. She hated it and she hates the guy who convinced her to do it. I could live without anal sex, but the fact that some other dude got further with my girl than me just kills me inside. It's to the point where I even question marrying her. For me to marry her, she has to show the same commitment to me - or more - than she did to her past boyfriend who was, I'd say, the most influential man in her life. She is a little prudish about sex in general, so it's not an easy thing for her to talk about. We've talked about it a few times and she says to just focus on our relationship, not on her past. She's very sweet, but her advice is to basically swallow it, shut up and grow up. F--- that!  Ya know, typical response by a woman who does not understand the male psyche, eh? Women, this is why men cheat! Ego Ego Ego!  See if you can answer the question without using the word "insecure" (wink). This is the stuff that causes the insecurity!  OK, enough fun. Get back to me soon!

Sincerely,

Your Biggest A-hole Fan

It sounds like her past relationship was extremely unhealthy - and she is trying to work past that and be in a healthy relationship...so don't try to deliberately make yours unhealthy. It seems like it was more of a power struggle than an actual connection between two people. I bet on the days when he was being nice she wasn't so into him and half the reason he dumped her was probably to see how far she would go to chase him back. You can't settle down with someone and like, open a bank account with someone...and talk about having kids with someone you have that kind of relationship with. However - if you are questioning marrying her then maybe you should put the ring down for another year or so and wait till it feels right. It sounds like both you of have to get more comfortable with yourselves and each other before you can think about things like anal sex and marriage. I mean - you should want to get inside her butt because butts are awesome and her butt is more awesome than the average butt...not because some idiot forced his way in there before you. You both have some sort of wall up in your emotional and sexual lives and once one comes down so will the other...and then...the anal sex can commence!

How has the credit crunch effected the comfort of seats and chairs in the porn industry?

Chairs are pretty sparse these days on set, so we mostly have to sit on the floor. Then I get red marks all over myself and it sucks. We really had to severly cut back on chairs big time. Chairs are not in the budget anymore. So if any of you pansies want to come to one of our sets for a day - don't fuckin' complain to me about not having a chair! It's BYOC - bring your own chair!

Dear Joanna's Ass,

My girl is FINALLY getting her first tattoo in a couple of weeks! I have a concern though. She's notorious for changing her mind at the last minute. I'm afraid that she's going to freak out at the last moment and not get it (for the record, she's getting three giant lillies from the side of her hip up under her tits). It's a bit much for the first go, but she says she's really into it. Any advice on how to keep HER ASS in the chair instead of running out the door, or should I let her cop out? I don't want her to feel like it's something she HAS to do, but it's definetly something I REALLY WANT HER TO DO...See why I had to ASSk you? Thanks!

Well...maybe it should be one lilly instead of three. It might be an easier way to start. What is her favorite food? Joanna really likes baked mac-n-cheese. Maybe you should make some kick ass baked mac-n-cheese and bring it to the tattoo shop and feed it to her while she gets her lillies done...then maybe she won't want to get off the chair. Or bring some cupcakes. Or I don't know...help her decide on a really good tattoo artist so once the stencil is on she is excited and not nervous.

What band has your ass been listening to?

The new Tegan and Sara album...SAINTHOOD...that and a few songs by Gossip. Only a few songs though...not all of their songs are good, but the good ones are really good. It's good ass music. Especially that "Standing in the way of control..."(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRur9D354W0&feature=related) song - it makes me want to gyrate a lot.