Over the summer I was drinking in an alleyway in Santa Monica with one of these girls. I think it was Tegan. But it very well could have been Sara. It might have actually been 2008; I don’t know. I never know anything for certain. That’s the reason I needed my kid to be born on September 11th; so I could always remember his birthday.

Anyway, Tegan (or maybe it was Sara) was dating my friend Lindsay (Still is? I don’t know. I don’t like to pry...). I didn’t know that she was in a band. With her sister. Or with anyone for that matter. Because, like I previously stated, I don’t know very much.

As any heterosexual male that spends an evening drinking in an alley with a famous lesbian (was she even drinking? Or was it just me?), I went back to my hotel and Googled her (in hopes of finding nude, carnal images. I found music instead.). I thought her and her sister’s band was good...for girls (Kidding. Chill out. I’m down with Women’s Lib! Chill.).

I don’t know which album Sainthood is. First? Eighth? I guess I could Google it, but it would ruin my theme of obliviousness. But I like it, because it’s girls. And girls are hot. And I’m sure Tegan and Sara will be psyched that I said they were good on a website full of naked girls flashing their buttholes because they’re lesbians. Or is it just Tegan that’s a lesbian? Or is it Sara? Anyway, the point of this review that I wanted to make after the first sentence is: what happened to all the alleyways and why don’t more people drink in them anymore (bums excluded)? I remember in my younger days alleyways were where it was at. We’d always drink and smoke and take hookers into alleyways. It just seems like in this crazy world of flying cars and high speed Internet, we’ve forgotten what really matters: getting wasted in alleyways. I think I’m going to write a letter to Obama and ask him to do something about that (after he handles the other stuff he has on his plate, obviously).

More stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com.