What an appropriate name for my Tuesday? Over and over I keep coming up with great ideas for pornos and porno titles and over and over Joanna shoots them down.

I can’t think of a more appropriate band than this sad, depressing Depeche Mode Jr to cry my eyes out to.

This morning I came up with the best title ever ever ever for a porno. You ready? A backyard BBQ-themed porno called...get this...Pussy on Rotisserie! How amazing is that title? Fucking genius, I know. You don’t have to say anything. I KNOW.

And yet, every dipshit I tell my GENIUS title to responds with far less enthusiasm than expected. And when I say "less" I mean, "none."

I called Joanna on my cellular telephone, long-distance, biting into my allotted monthly minutes just to tell her the great news, that I’ve figured out what her next movie should be about and what it should be called and when I tell her...fucking crickets. DEAD SILENCE.

I naturally thought she was so overwhelmed by the magnitude of the awesomeness of a title that she was left speechless.

So I put some words in her mouth, like so many men do with their penises:

"I know," I said, "It’s fucking awesome. I know."

"No," she responded. "I don’t think I like it."

"I don’t think you heard me correctly," I said. "…Pussy on Rotisserie!”

"No, I heard you."

"And," I said, "We can have one of those mechanical, prodding dildo machines going into a girl's parts while a guy's penis is in her mouth and we can make a contraption that rotates the girl like a pig on a rotisserie!"

You know what her reply was?

"What kind of BBQ has a rotisserie?"

"WHAT THE FUCK? EVERY GOOD BBQ! Sorry you can’t put Matzoh balls on a rotisserie, JOE-ANNA!""

"It doesn’t even rhyme," She said.

“FUCK YOU. It does so. They both end in the 'eee' sound!”

Then she went and asked her porn star boyfriend what he thought. She came back and said he didn’t like it.
I told her - straight up - "Yous guys don’t know awesome. And I need to find myself a new circle of friends.”
Then I hung up.

This is bullshit.

Fucking Pussy on Rotisserie! I mean, really.

What is better than that?

More stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com.