I was in Miami last weekend. It was 80 degrees down there while people were freezing their balls off in 25 degree weather up in Jersey and Brooklyn. Sadly, as warm as it was down there, it was still very windy and cloudy. Whenever I’m in South Beach, I like to go down to Ocean Ave and sit on the beach and drink concealed alcoholic beverages while looking at all the topless women on the stretch of sand I have renamed Titty Beach. This time there were no tits out, and all of my young comrades were rather disappointed by the false advertisement. Not to waiver from tradition, we still drank on Titty Beach until it was dark and we were surly.

My crew ranged from 16-year-old to 23-year-old skateboarders. I was the oldest by a decade. And so I should have known better than to drive while intoxicated. Especially with my shitty luck. Needless to say, I ran right into a DUI checkpoint and was pulled out of the car. Somehow, by the grace of Allah, I passed three different tests and avoided a month in jail (it would have been my 3rd DUI), and ESCAPED MY FATE. Haha! Get it? Escaped my fate? Like the band’s name? Oh, how I make myself laugh. Too bad my ears couldn’t Escape The Fate of hearing this CD while reviewing it.