Ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend that you wanted to stab in the face with a butcher’s knife repeatedly, but instead stayed with them - whilst you died inside - because the sex was so good? That’s the kind of relationship I have with BurningAngel. I try my best to write fun/funny record reviews to earn my blow jobs (and the blow jobs are very, very good...), but all they do is fucking yell at me: “Can you mention the music?”, “You can’t say that?”, “Those are my friends. Don’t be mean!”, “We can’t run this!”, “You’re late!”...and so on.

Does no one realize I AM MARRIED?!? I have a woman of my own, and we signed a deal when we got married that she would have exclusivity with the first right of refusal when it came to yelling at me. AND SHE DOESN’T EVEN FUCKING YELL AT ME!

That said, I don’t know what I am allowed to say at this point, so I’ll just say that this Bleeding Through album is the best album you or I will ever hear in our lives. THE BEST. What does it sound like? Like whatever you want it to. Is this their first album? I don’t know. If it is, IT’S THE BEST FIRST ALBUM OF ANY BAND EVER. And if they’ve had other albums before this...well, then this is even better than those other ones and you’ll be stoked. Each of you should buy 100 copies of this album and email the band and tell them you did and it was all because of me. MAYBE PEOPLE WILL STOP YELLING AT ME! But it’s doubtful.