Hi Joanna's Ass,

I come from a far away land known as Ohio. Through traveling to other states and cities, I am coming to realize that the people who live in my city and general area tend to be very prude and not-so-open about sex. This includes the girls. In fact I have trouble finding a girlfriend because girls think I "like sex too much". This may be odd, but I swear this is how girls think over here. I was just wondering if you could offer any advice to me. How can I find a girl who likes and is as open to sex as myself and how can I get girls to open up about sex in general?

Thanks, Stranded In Prudeville

Yo - are you kidding me? Are you trying to tell me people don't have sex in Ohio? That doesn't make any sense. Ohio is boring, and people always have more sex in boring states. I think you might just be creepy...like you might be coming on too strong. Look, I'm not stupid...Joanna meets guys all the time...they act like they're all interested in what she has to say, and they try to pretend they care about her accomplishments - you know - like running a company and blah blah blah, but really - I can tell - they just want a piece of me. Although, I will admit: at times they are damn good at pretending! And in exchange, she lets them spend some time with me. Seriously. If you treat a girl like a princess, the whore will come out of her...but if you treat a girl like a whore, she will get scared and act like a prude princess. Get it?

Joanna,

First I'd like to say that you are super sexy and kicked ass on the Jason Ellis show! Keep up the great work. Btw, love the tattoos. Alright here it goes. Recently my girlfriend and I started experimenting with anal. Me doing her and vice versa. Just had couple of questions. 1. Have you ever done a guy with a strap-on? 2. If so, are there any recommendations for beginners and for intermediate play?

Sincerely, Strap On Homeboy

Well, I don't have any tattoos but there are a lot all over the rest of Joanna's body, so I will relay the message. She just got a new one on her arm; it's pretty rad. Moving on, I have never done a guy with a strap-on, so I don't know much about it. I would assume fucking a guy in the ass is similar to fucking a girl in the ass - although, maybe it's not? Tristan Taormino is sort of the expert on this stuff. I would ask her what to do or look through her website and she will most likely have a solution there for you. After all, she is a person...and alas, I am just an ass.

I have a problem that I think only another ASS can help me with: I am 32-years-old and have been happily married for 3 years. I unfortunately never had the opportunity in my "single life" to enjoy a good romp of ASS sex, and now that I am married, my wife always says: "Hell no! You're not sticking that thing in there, it knocks the wind out of me". Even though she is not against the idea, my penis size has become my personal hell. Am I doomed to die without ever trying this very last wish on my list? How can I persuade my wife to be a good sport and ASSume the position just once (butt a couple times would sure be nice)? Please help, time is running out.

Yours Truly, The Chained Explorer

I actually overheard Jason Ellis saying this when Joanna went on his show to debut her song that was all about me. It was great advice...I never thought I would hear such good insight about women coming from a man. Problems in the bedroom between married people...come from outside the bedroom. You're probably not giving her any reason to want to take that extra step. Try to make a conscience effort to do things that are all about her for like, a solid month. Watch a movie that only she wants to watch. Go out to dinner to her favorite restaurant, not yours...I mean, she's your wife: you know what makes her happy...just really go above and beyond for a little... you know...get off the couch and put some effort into things. Compliment her and make her feel beautiful...and most importantly, compliment her ass! We need love too! You know, like when you see her bending over to pick something up, be like "Fuck - I'm so lucky! My wife has the most awesome ASS"...you know...shit like that. If all that doesn't work, well, then she probably has something stuck in there that needs to come out, so I would recommend sticking your hand up there and grabbing it.