Interview

Turbonegro

11.18.2010 written by Joanna Angel posted by Alex Chechs

Hank totally had me convinced that the government in Norway takes away all dwarf children and sells them. For a few days, I genuinely thought that dwarfs in Norway were purchased as frequently and casually as cats and dogs were in America. I felt pretty stupid when I saw Turbonegro play, and I recognized that their midget was the same one from Jackass. Then everything started making sense. Hank is the first person I’ve interviewed on BurningAngel who totally managed to outsmart me. For the rest of my life, no matter how successful I ever become, I will forever be inferior to Hank. He totally punked me on my own website.

JOANNA: I heard you have a midget on tour with you.

HANK: Well hmm… he would go to your waist. He would have to stand on his toes to give you head!

JOANNA: I could give him a stool or something to make it easier. Or like, an apple-box. So is he part of the band now?

HANK: Well, it’s more like he’s Turbonegro’s dwarf. Some people have cats, some people have dogs, some people have goldfish… we have a dwarf.

JOANNA: I see. I didn’t know you could do that.

HANK: Well in Norway you can. Most people make them clean their houses. But we take ours to parties. You can’t do it here, they have too many rights.

JOANNA: (silence) Well, what’s his name?

HANK: His name is Vidar.

JOANNA: Did you guys name him, like other people name their cats and dogs and goldfish?

HANK: No, his birth name was Vidar.

JOANNA:Has the band ever met his parents or anything?

HANK: No, we don’t know who his parents are. He doesn’t either. The government in Norway takes away all dwarf children and puts them on the market.

JOANNA: Oh my god (silence) I had no idea. So it’s kind of like you rescued him. Does he seem happy?

HANK: He must be because he doesn’t escape often. Only when he falls in love with some chic.

JOANNA: Awww. Your dwarf is a hopeless romantic! Does that happen often?

HANK: Yeah, he’s always falling in love with people – girls he can’t have, so it’s tough.

JOANNA: Well, you know, you should tell him not to get so down on himself. That happens to everyone. People always want who they can’t have.

HANK: Who do you fall in love with?

JOANNA: A bunch of stupid people.

HANK: That you can’t have?

JOANNA: Hmmm. Well, I will usually have them at least once. More than that can sometimes be a problem.

HANK: Oh. Well, don’t carry the past around. We don't like that.

JOANNA: (pause) Well, I don't think I do that. Hmm. I guess I will keep that in mind. Um... anyways... how do you feel about the new record?

HANK: Well we’re really excited about it, and actually now that it’s up in the states, it’s getting great reviews and people are really into it.

JOANNA: You changed your costumes. I can’t believe you guys stopped wearing denim! You told me a few years ago that denim was your second skin.

HANK: Well, we spent some time away from each other and found out new things about ourselves. But we put the denim back on during the encore when we play the older favorites.

JOANNA: Well that’s refreshing. That’s a nice treat for all the long time fans. Is there anything you’d like to say to your perverted fans on BurningAngel reading this interview?

HANK: Well stay horny, listen to good rock, and give good head.

JOANNA: Those are very good words to live by.

HANK: Oh and buy a dwarf, and masturbate a lot.

JOANNA: (laughs) Yeah. That too.