JOANNA: Say your name and what you do in Against Me!

WARREN: My name is Warren, and I play the drums and provide the charisma.

JOANNA: And how long have you guys been a band for?

WARREN: I have been in the band for about three years, but the band itself has been in existence for about six years.

JOANNA: Is the band now full-time or do you guys have to have other jobs?

WARREN: I quit the bagel shop about seven months ago.

JOANNA: What�s your favorite kind of bagel?

WARREN: Hmmm� I like the garlic bagel; I�m a big fan of the garlic.

JOANNA: Where are you guys from?

WARREN: We�re from Gainesville, Florida.

JOANNA: Oh, the bagels down there are pretty awful.

WARREN: No, they�re not so good, but you know, par for the course I guess.

(laughs)

JOANNA: So earlier today I mentioned to someone that I wanted to interview you guys, and they said �I don�t know if they�d be into it, they�re really PC.�

WARREN: Well. I feel like everybody�s naked under their clothes. It doesn�t really freak me out. I�ve seen pornography that is done in a derogatory way, and I think it�s just intentional for effect.

JOANNA: Yeah� people get caught up in the whole debate and forget that a porno is just a movie. Like, you�re not considered a masochist if you enjoy watching the fight scenes in Kill Bill. Along the same lines, if someone gets off on what some may consider �misogynistic� porn, it doesn�t necessarily have any direct correlation with their personality.

WARREN: To be honest, I don�t really know what PC means, but the term kind of follows us around though. I think that we�re all pretty conscious that our actions affect the people around us, and we definitely have an awareness of that. I think that we�re all intentionally considerate and I think it�s a very political act to be considerate of your fellow human beings. However, that doesn�t seem to be enough because a lot of people have expectations of us to be something that we�re not.

JOANNA: What do you think their expectations are?

WARREN: Um, it really varies from person to person, but we definitely had a lot of people confront us and let us know that we�re really disappointing to them in a variety of ways.

JOANNA: Damn. That�s pretty awful. You must be a terrible person!

WARREN: (laughs) Yeah, I guess I must be.

JOANNA: Do you personally like porn?

WARREN: I�m not really a big fan, but I�ve seen some erotica that I would say is pretty fucking hot.

JOANNA: What is erotica? And what do you think is the difference between erotica and porn?

WARREN: Uh, (laughs) actually I think �erotica� is just a word that people feel better about saying.

(laughs)

JOANNA: Yeah, I recall reading a definition somewhere that erotica is something literary and artistic but also arousing, whereas porn is only intended to stimulate without any artistic intention, although, I think that�s kinda bullshit.

WARREN: Yeah, I don�t think it�s that clean cut.

JOANNA: If a plain white canvas can be considered art, then so should someone jerking off on a girl�s face.

WARREN: (laughs) Yes. I agree.

JOANNA: You mentioned letting people down� did this increase as your band gained more popularity? I mean, I don�t know if you know it or not, but the general consensus of the uh� message board scene is that you guys are total sellouts.

WARREN: Yeah� some people who didn�t like what we were doing with our lives actually slashed one of the tires on our van.

JOANNA: Wow. That�s almost as immature as writing something derogatory on a message board. I mean, as Against Me! got bigger, do you think you abandoned any of your old fans?

WARREN: I don�t think so. I mean, I love playing music with my friends, and I love traveling� I�ve always loved those things, and I�m just doing what I love.

JOANNA: When do you think the line was crossed?

WARREN: Um, apparently playing on a stage can make that difference happen in a lot of peoples� minds. Yeah, playing from like a basement to playing a club. I mean some of the most fun shows I�ve ever played in my life have been basement shows. The intimacy of that is great. But playing in a rock club where I can hear my kick drum coming through these powerful speakers is like a dream come true. I think we�re all down to experience life and do things we�ve never done before. I�m not bummed about it at all, and it�s unfortunate that other people are, but their life�s not mine.

JOANNA: Yeah, was Against Me!�s success gradual or was it like overnight?

WARREN: It was gradual; we�ve all been playing music for years and years and playing in bands that nobody cared about and nobody knew about. Lately people are so excited to see us play and it feels awesome.

JOANNA: (points at Tom) Is that your guitar player over there?

WARREN: Yeah.

JOANNA: (yells to Tom) How do you feel about porn?

TOM: How do I feel about porn?

TOM: Wow, we�re really jumping into this aren�t we�

JOANNA: Well, he (points to WARREN) was talking about the band for a while. I think I have enough info about your music.

TOM: I feel like I should be able to get into the interview before we get into this�

JOANNA: Oh alright, well uh� what�s your name?

TOM: I�m Tom.

JOANNA: What do you do in Against Me!?

TOM: I sing and I play guitar.

JOANNA: How long have you been a band for?

TOM: (laughs) Did he already answer all this stuff earlier?

JOANNA: Yeah.

TOM: So why are you asking me all this?

JOANNA: I thought it would make you a little less nervous.

WARREN: I did a really good job, too. You should have seen it.

JOANNA: Yeah, you did a really good job.

JOANNA: So are you more comfortable now? Can I ask you about porn?

TOM: I guess so.

JOANNA: Do you own any?

TOM: Do I own any?

JOANNA: Yeah.

TOM: No, I don�t own any. Hey, is this an interview for Suicide Girls?

JOANNA: (sigh) No, it�s not. This is an interview for Burning Angel.

TOM: Whoa--I�m sorry. Are you guys rivals or something?

JOANNA: I don�t know. I didn�t really think so but yesterday the owner and I got in a fight.

TOM: Are you serious?

JOANNA: (silence) Well, when I said �fight� what I really meant is that she yelled at me and then I ran to the bathroom crying.

TOM: Oh god. That sounds awful. You should have kicked her ass.

JOANNA: Yeah, well, I talk a big game but apparently when it comes down to it I�m a pretty big pussy. Maybe I should start lifting weights or something so I can be prepared for next time.

TOM: Yeah�

JOANNA: ANYWAYS� do you uh� go to strip clubs? Like while you�re on tour and stuff?

TOM: I�ve always had a good time at strip clubs. I�ve never gone alone or by myself--it�s always been with a group of friends and it�s a lot of fun.

JOANNA: Do you like buying lap dances? Some people think they�re a waste of money.

WARREN: I got to spend my birthday this year in Montreal, and I got the first lap dance of my life. (pause) I actually wound up having my first four lap dances in Montreal. (laughs) It was probably the best birthday I�ve ever had.

JOANNA: Well what are you guys working on now as a band?

WARREN: Well we�re on tour for�

TOM: Wait, real quick�are you done with your Montreal story? I would like to say that I am infinitely confident that I am going to be telling my grandkids one day that I got my very first lap dance at the Claremont in Atlanta, Georgia.

JOANNA: Ohh yeah. Is that the place where like girls shoot ping pong balls out of their�

TOM: There�s Blondie who crushes beer cans between her tits. You know like, basically the strippers are standing there, the ceiling�s right there near their heads, and there isn�t even a DJ� the girls have to put quarters in the jukebox if you want to hear music�their own quarters.

JOANNA: (laughs) So how was the lap dance?

TOM: The girl was so hideous it was almost hot.

JOANNA: (laughs) That�s the best compliment I�ve ever heard.

TOM: I�ve been to the Hustler Club a couple times.

JOANNA: One just opened up in New York. I like that place, it�s kinda classy and expensive but it�s fun if you can afford it.

TOM: We saw a very talented stripper there. She got all the way to the top of the pole totally shit drunk, and slid down upside down with no hands, just her feet.

JOANNA:: I can do that.

WARREN: Really?

JOANNA: Yeah. If there was a pole here, I could really fuck shit up. I could have done this entire interview while hanging upside down. It would have been sweet.

WARREN: (laughs) Well, maybe next time.

JOANNA: Yeah, we�ll have to arrange that. OK, you�re off the hook, I think I have enough.

WARREN: Thanks for the interview.

JOANNA: You�re welcome. I�m glad I know for sure now that you guys really are assholes. Just wait till the message boards hear about this.