Joanna: Hello?

Dimitri: Hey� is Joanna there?

Joanna: Yeah, it's me. Who's this?

Dimitri: Dimitri.

Joanna: Oh hey, thanks for calling you're right on time.

Dimitri: (coughs) Yeah, I set my alarm.

Joanna: Are you OK? You sound tired.

Dimitri: I Just woke up to do this interview. When we're done, I'm gonna go back to bed.

Joanna: OK. I'll make this quick and easy.

Dimitri: Cool, thanks.

Joanna: So tell everyone what you do.

Dimitri: I play guitar and sing for the Burning Brides.

Joanna: How long have you been a band for?

Dimitri: We've been a band for about 5 years.

Joanna: You're on tour right now, correct?

Dimitri: Yeah, we're on tour with the Explosion. They do a lot of drugs, so they were a good band for us to go on tour with.

Joanna: Why? Do you guys do a lot of drugs?

Dimitri: (silence) Well, we used to do a lot more. Melanie has been completely clean for like 3 months.

Joanna: Did you and Melanie start this band together?

Dimitri: Yeah, we met at Juilliard in New York. I was actually going there for acting, but I�ve been playing guitar my whole life. After a few years I was like fuck this, we should start a band. We were really into bands like Sonic Youth and The Pixies, and one day we were like, hey, we can do this, too.

Joanna: In your bio here, it says your new record is 'equal parts garage rock swagger, sleaze-metal hook, brit-pop melody and alternative rock all crunched together.' This kind of sounds like a PR person's description for a band they can�t really figure out how to describe.

Dimitri: Yeah. Well that�s the problem with people these days. I mean, no one tried to describe the Beatles or the Rolling Stones, it was just good fuckin� Rock N' Roll.

Joanna: Yeah, well a lot of bands these days sound exactly the same, so they're easy to classify. When a band comes along that's actually doing something different and innovative, people are so caught off guard they're like 'Woah! What do we call this?�

Dimitri: Yeah, I think people are scared because our new record is evil and metal but beautiful and romantic at the same time.

Joanna: Speaking of things that are evil and metal but romantic at the same time, have you heard of Burning Angel?

Dimitri: Um� yeah I think so. It's a metal band, right?

Joanna: (laughs) Is it?

Dimitri: I think so. Am I wrong?

Joanna: Well, I'll have to look it up. It might be. But it is also the name of the porn site you're being interviewed for right now.

Dimitri: (silence) Are you serious?

Joanna: Yes. I am very serious.

He then for the first time in this conversation, starts to sound awake.

Dimitri: That's so cool! I actually... have a problem.

Joanna: What's the problem?

Dimitri: A problem with porn. I just love it so much. I brought one on tour, it�s really cool because a girl squirts in it.

Joanna: Ahh. Nice.

Dimitri: Can you do that?

Joanna: Actually, no. Someone wrote an article on Burning Angel stating that anyone could do it, but I don't know if that's true.

Dimitri: I know how to make a girl do it.

Joanna: Oh really? Can you share your secret so other guys know?

Dimitri: Yeah. It's like, if a girl is like lying on their back, and like, you stick your fingers inside her, and then like, there is this rough part on the top. So um� well, while you're uh� have your fingers inside, you like find that rough part and make this motion around there, kind of like you were going �hey, come over here.� Then you just do that again and again, and it will happen.

Joanna: Where did you learn how to do this?

Dimitri: I watched this Seymore Butts video where he instructs you how to do it.

Joanna: That's awesome that you were able to learn something from a porno. People tend to think it can ruin relationships because the girls are generally too perfect looking and can become some object of comparison, but like, I think it really can help people be better in bed.

Dimitri: I can�t believe I�m being interviewed for a porn site. Do you guys have movies?

Joanna: Yes, we do.

Dimitri: Do people like, do a lot of drugs on the set?

Joanna: Actually no.

Dimitri: I've seen a lot of crazy intense porno videos where I'm like, these people have to be on crystal meth.

Joanna: Well, I think that a lot of people do crystal meth in general, and some of those people might do porno, but I don't think there are any more people doing crystal meth in the porno industry then like, on Wall Street or something.

Dimitri: Have you ever done crystal meth?

Joanna: (silence) I don't know. Maybe.

Dimitri: So you know what I mean, right?

Joanna: You have to understand that these are people who have sex for a living, so like, they're just good at it.

Dimitri: Were you in any of these movies?

Joanna: I was in one, it's going on our DVD that hasn't come out yet. It will probably be out in October.

Dimitri: That's crazy! I've never been interviewed by a porn star!

Joanna: I don't think I'm really a porn star.

Dimitri: What made you into Rock N' Roll if you're like a porn chick?

Joanna: I'm more of like, a Rock N' Roll chick who somehow got into porn. I think that sex and music are intertwined, and we just put them together on BurningAngel. Would you agree?

Dimitri: Sex is definitely part of this Rock N' Roll lifestyle.

Joanna: Is it part of yours?

Dimitri: (silence) Well, this is like a weird time. Me and Melanie dated for like 9 years and we just broke up like 2 months ago. We�re in this band together so I�m not exactly gonna go out and bang groupies on the road.

Joanna: Are there really Burning Brides groupies to bang?

Dimitri: (laughs) Well, not really.

Joanna: So what are the Burning Brides working on now?

Dimitri: We're working on world domination.

Joanna: (laughs) That's great.

Dimitri: Hey can I tell you something?

Joanna: Yes.

Dimitri: When I woke up to do this interview, I was gonna put clothes on, but then I was like, nah, fuck it.

Joanna: So you're naked?

Dimitri: Yeah. Is that OK?

Joanna: Yes. I think it's very appropriate. It's too bad this isn't a video interview. That would have been awesome.

Dimitri: (laughs) I don't think I could do that.

Joanna: OK Dimitri, you can go back to bed.

Dimitri: Alright cool. Can I get a password to your site?