Iann Robinson

Joanna: So what�s your name, and what do you do?

Iann: I'm Iann. I pick up girls and take them to diners.

Joanna: (laughs) That's it?

Iann: Well, I also work at MTV.

Joanna: So, before I turned on this tape recorder you were talking about how much you hate Good Charlotte, Limp Bizkit, and all those other commercial punk and hardcore bands. How does it feel to be working for a company responsible for making all that stuff popular?

Iann: We're not only responsible for that� we�re also responsible for the whole boy band invasion, and the unfortunate artistic status of people like Justin Timberlake�

Joanna: I love Justin Timberlake!

Iann: Man. We started off on such a good foot.

Joanna:: I was� um� just kidding.

Iann: I don't like everything about my job and I certainly don't like everything about MTV, but I don't know anyone who likes everything about their job. What I do like about my job is that I am able to give good bands exposure that otherwise would have none. I don�t mean to toot my own horn' but I was pretty much responsible for MTV bringing back the Headbangers Ball, and have shows like 'Extreme Rock' and stuff. I mean, it's not all good, there�s a lot of nu metal crap on there, but there is some good stuff too.

Joanna: So you don't like nu metal?

Iann: Yeah I hate all that shit. I mean Korn I don't mind, I wouldn't go buy their record but they're not as terrible as most of the other bands in the genre, and they�re nice guys I guess.

Joanna: I guess�

Iann: I think someone should just shoot Fred Durst.

Joanna: You should beat him up.

Iann: Well at the Metallica Icons show we almost got into a fight.

Joanna: Really?

Iann: Yeah. See I've insulted his band and made fun of him on TV a lot and apparently this hurt his feelings. So at the show Fred, six other dudes and his bodyguards decided to corner me and my friend Ryan, who by the way is 105 pounds soaking wet with weights in his hands. They were waiting for us to be scared, and to sit there and cower in their greatness. When we didn't Fred just started yelling at me, being like 'stop talking shit about my band.' I was like 'I can talk shit on whoever I want. I don't like you, and I don't like your band.' Then his really cool middle-aged friends in baseball caps told us they were gonna 'bust us up' outside. So I went outside. I was kind of excited for the fight to start. He kept yelling about all this stupid shit, I threw my bag down and was like, come on man, hit me. But he said he couldn't. Then he told his bodyguards to tell me he wanted a �truce.� I was like, this is fucking ridiculous.

Joanna: That's some high school shit.

Iann: Yeah, I was waiting for a locker to appear and for him to try and stuff me in it. So after that he walked around telling everyone 'I punked Iann...' I was like, Fred, that isn�t true. Anyways, he's just a moron. Yeah, so, basically I don't like any of that kind of music. I don�t think any of it has made any sort of artistic impression whatsoever.

Joanna: (laughs) Not even Linkin Park?

Iann: They're kinda like the Tonka My First Metal band. I mean, they're kinda funny, I definitely don't hate them like I hate Limp Bizkit, but them along with a bunch of other new metal bands are just pussies. All they sing about is their girlfriends breaking up with them and being picked on when they were younger.

Joanna: Well what kind of music do you like?

Iann: I was raised on Dickenson, and like AC/DC, Ministry, GG Allin, Zeppelin, you know, the whole drink fight fuck attitude. That's real Rock N' Roll and no one has that any more.

Joanna: Don't you think MTV is kinda responsible for that?

Iann: Yeah, I mean look at the Real World. It's a bunch of sensitive college guys wearing sunglasses inside, being upset that their six-pack disappeared.

Joanna: Are you in the position to change that at all? I mean couldn't you just play videos on MTV that you'd want to see?

Iann: Well technically I'm news, I'm not a v-jay.

Joanna: Do you want to be a v-jay?

Iann: Hell no. I mean, as a newsperson I'm not really allowed to have an opinion, but with v-jays it�' disgusting. Their job is to like certain things that they're told to like, and I can�t do that.

Joanna: How did you get a job with MTV?

Iann: Well, I moved to New York when I was 5 years old.

Joanna: You don't have to tell me about being 5.

Iann: OK. So fast forward a little bit, a few years ago I started a TV show called Monkey Butt Sex. It was a local cable access show where me and two of my friends just made fun of bands. We had this one skit called 'Narcolepticus' about this death metal singer who had narcolepsy, so he'd be singing on stage and just fall asleep. Somehow, it got big. People were taping it and selling it to people in other cities. A year later, we stopped the show. We wanted to leave while we were still on top.

Joanna: That's very smart.

Iann: Yeah. I mean we didn't want to overdo it. So about a year later this dude named Ocean McAdams came to power at MTV. He used to watch the show when he was in college and he tracked me down, asking me if I wanted to work there. It was still a process after that. There were like 70 or 80 other people who were also in the running for the job, so they asked us all to make a tape. They really wanted to hire a girl, but apparently my tape ranked really high in the viewing room so they picked me.

Joanna: What did you do on this tape?

Iann: Nothing. I just talked. I can talk anybody into anything.

Joanna: That's a very good quality to have.

Iann: It's also kinda dangerous.

Joanna: Did you really want to work there?

Iann: I never really wanted to be on TV. The only reason I wanted to be on TV is because people on TV get a lot of TV ass. But I'm married, so I don't really get to take advantage of that stuff. I mean, I like the job, once my tenure ends I'll be like, this was an experience I enjoyed. People I work with talk about doing sitcoms and shit, and I'm like, whatever. I don�t really want to continue being on TV when this is done.

Joanna: Is it weird to you that this job made you a celebrity?

Iann: Well, I spend my days with people like Eminem, who can�t even leave their house without being tackled.

Joanna: Well when we walked from your office to this diner, 6 different people asked you for your autograph. To me that's a celebrity.

Iann: Yeah� I guess. It gets weird because I don�t want to be an asshole, like most celebrities are to their fans. I sit there and try to actually have a conversation with everyone who tries to talk to me, especially young kids who are in bands or are into music and shit. Sometimes I�m not in the best of moods, but I don't want to be an asshole to anyone I�m important to, so it gets weird. Some people have this attitude where they HAVE to be famous. They need it like it�s a drug, and those people start doing infomercials and shit like that. I don't need to be famous, I need to be rich� not famous.

Joanna: Do you get along with Carson Daly?

Iann: He's alright. I don't hang out with him or anything but he's always nice to me. He runs with this hip young up and coming Hollywood crowd who kinda make me sick.

Joanna: Um� yeah� do you watch porn?

Iann: Yeah! I like lesbian porn.

Joanna: Are you a lesbian?

Iann: I just don't want to watch guys have sex� and I'm not a big fan of the jizz shot. Like I don't understand� why guys get off on watching another dude jizz.

Joanna: I like the money shot. It's the only thing that really makes a porn a porn. It's something that will never make its way into Hollywood.

Iann: Maybe it's just me, but like I can�t get off to watching another dude get a blow job. It just makes me annoyed, like I want to get that blow job.

Joanna: Have you been married the whole time you've had a job with MTV?

Iann: Yeah.

Joanna: So you never had the pleasure of sleeping with fans or anything?

Iann: No. and I've had women say the most outlandish shit to me.

Joanna: Like what?

Iann: I was in the dressing room at this show, and this blond girl sits down next to me. She introduced herself, we were just bullshitting, and then I started talking to someone else. Then she taps me on the shoulder, and was like �do you have a car or a bus or something?� I was like� �No why?� She was like, �because I don�t want to fuck you in front of all these people and there are no stalls in the bathroom.�

Joanna: Wow. That's amazing.

Iann: Yeah. Well I know you probably won't believe me but I was like, no I'm married.

Joanna: That's probably something you never would have thought would happen to you when you were younger.

Iann: Yea, I mean believe it or not, I was never really a pretty boy. It's ridiculous, I mean just because I'm Iann from MTV I've been offered threesomes, and random blow jobs� and all this stuff.

Joanna: Do you ever wish you kinda had this job when you were single?

Iann: It's not really a good idea to mess around when you're in the public eye. I mean, stuff winds up all over the Internet and in the press and stuff. It's weird, I mean these girls wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire, but they'd give me the keys to their hotel room.

Joanna: OK. I'm gonna wrap this up; is there anything else you wanna add?

Iann: I don't think so. I mean, not with that tape recorder on�

Joanna: OK. I'll shut it off then.