In the past month and a half since I've been back from Montreal, Canada, I have:
Got a copy of my license
Got a copy of my health care card
Registered for full time classes: Creative Writing, Healthful Living, the Social and Political History of the United States, and Civil Rights and Law
Bought my history and law texts and only have my health book to purchase at the school next time I'm there.
Moved into my boyfriend's apartment in Hollywood
Found a really cool job
Paid a friend back
Told my (ex)best friend that we could not be friends anymore due to the fact that she is so incredibly self-absorbed she thinks of nothing but herself and her life and has no consideration for me or others accept her boyfriend and maybe her mom and brother.
Been monogamous
Rode an LA bus
Shot a porn with my boyfriend
Helped my neighbor paint her apt.
Got on medication
Found a therapist and started sessions twice a week
Visited my family in San Diego
I can't believe all these positive things I've done in a month in a half with out freaking the fuck out. At one point, any kind of structure sent me straight to a bad place of irrational fear of not being free. But I guess a part of growing up is also realizing that structure can make you feel more in control of your life, and that feels good too. You also realize that structure does not necessarily mean you are not free. I'm learning right now to decide who I am, what I want to be, what I want to do with my life. I've lived so long in an instant gratification mode so that every decision I made was in an effort to not feel pain. Now I understand that if I'm to have a good quality life, I'm going to have to learn to put in effort now, to reap the benefits later.
Something I've always wanted to be, ever since I was a little kid, was a teacher. Now I'm excited to go back to school to make that dream a reality.
Another passion is writing. I've had several people tell me I should write a book, and I've also had people tell me that my blogs are painfully long, but for some reason they keep reading.
I've taken the necessary step and found an incredible couple to make my blog for me (which I will be investing into and paying for). I want a pretty place to write down my thoughts, adventures, lessons. I have a lot to say. And Joanna once told me that if I could show my personality through the internet, I'd have a lot more friends. It's not a coincidence my name is "sparky". But for me, this is not about fans or a following. My blog will be there for anyone to read or gain from. It has no marketing purpose, I'm not selling myself or a product. It is just my personal space to write and will be open for you to read if you are interested.
This couple, Sean and Lezlie, are incredibly talented web/graphic designers, and I know that if I tell them my vision, they will be able to do that AND more. They are really cool and live in Costa Rica because they both work at home on the computer and can live anywhere they like. They live on the beach and wake up and swim in the ocean and see monkeys all around. Definitely the kind of people I want designing my blog.
I'm very excited, and I can't wait. I have a lot of writing on my computer that I lost because the charger died and it's very old. I am trying hard to find a replacement one. But I have a feeling a lot of the writing will be memories that pop up.
That's another thing, I have a horrible memory. With the pot smoking, medication, and pre-disposition to bad memory by my disorder, it's been a challenge remembering some of the extraordinary circumstances I've been through, but I'm looking forward to uncovering those in therapy and healing them and writing about them.
xo Sparky
Dnothing!
