I feel so lifeless and alone right now. Very alone. I feell like I don't have a strong bond with anyone. I have people but my relationship with everyone seems shallow. I miss having relationships where you would take a bullet for each other and you know each other and love each other. I don't think I have that with anyone right now. Gir seems to be the closest to me right now, Gir and Spaz. Cause they are needy of me. No one else needs me. I guess that's just life. It's so hard to keep motivated though.

Today is my day off so I have a few things to do. I have to wash clothes and fold clothes. I have to pay some bills and buy cat food. I have to make some phone calls to see what the hell I am supposed to do for thanksgiving. Stupid holidays. And tonight I might meet up with an old friend from school. I definitely have to drink today.

I also think I may go to Tampa for a few days after my dad leaves town. I really feel like I need to get out of Atlanta so so so bad. Everyday is building up an insanity time bomb that is getting ready to explode. If I don't get out I think I might do something stupid. I'm already super cranky, aggravated all the time, and everything pisses me off more than usual. Especially when I wake up. I just get all kinds of angry because of everything that is wrong with everything. Like finding clothes on my make-up case in the bathroom, or seeing the toilet seet up or going out to the car and having a parking lot full of dog shit, not being able to open the closet doors, and most of all not being able to have my own fucking car all the time. I am extra extra bitchy lately. Oh and I think I forgot to mention that my hair looks horrible. For the first time ever of dying and bleaching my hair, I have split ends and my hair is super damaged. Not to mention my roots are over and inch long and the color in my hair is fading horribly. I'm trying to let my hair grow but god damn it looks like ass right now. Hopefully Erin will get back into town soon and cut my hair asap.
I think I lost my point in the middle of all my bitching. As whoever you are reading this, you must be extremely annoyed with my bitching and the stupid things I have to say. Well, I think the whole purpose of the stupid blog deal is to have a place to say all the random shit you have to say and you never get to. Saying stuff that no one wants to hear or you just don't want to annoy people by making them hear it while they look at you like your insane. I can ramble on forever here and it doesn't matter. This was never meant to be a message for everyone. If you don't like what you are reading.....don't fuckin read it!!! And don't read my blogs cause most of the time they are negative and bitchy and full of self pitty. whah whah whah, cry cry cry...... alright I think I am going to leave this pointless rambling at this and go wash some fucking clothes and eat something as I count how much money Idon't have left.