i can’t seem to get much done today, i keep staring out the window. I went and got coffee and i thought that would help but, now I am just staring out the window with coffee in my hands.

The other night I had a little party at The Roxy with A.i (they’re a band) and it was pretty fun. Some newer BurningAngel girls came out and we were all sitting together and I was like, god damn, these bitches are HOT. Chelsea was there, a new girl named Roxy, Scarlett, and Taysha. Theyre all really hot! I was like, pretty happy to be at a table with all of them. Chelsea used to have long hair, now she has short hair and a tattoo on her head. The tattoo on her head is fucking hot. I think I am slightly in love with Chelsea.

I am feeling weird and lonely and unloved. Are pornstars allowed to feel like that? I mean, we have feelings too you know. I think i am in the mood to have someone pet my hair and tell me everything will be ok.

Yeah. Alright, enough emo talk.

So last night I went to some Pizza place that only "famous" people are allowed to eat at. Yes it sounds completely ridiculous but a place like this really does exist in Hollywood. I went with my friend Ed, he isn’t really famous but he writes mainstream movie scripts so he is sort of in the famous people "scene". Apparently, this place doesn’t even take reservations… you need to prove you are important to eat there. I swear, I am not kidding.

In any case, here in California all the restaurants are rated- like they have to get inspected on a regular bassis and put their deemed letter in the window. So if you pass a restaurant and there is an "A" in the window that means that they passed their inspection. A "B" means something was wrong… you know… something could have been moldy in the kitchen, the dishes weren’t cleaned in the proper way, bug problems (ect)… my roommate is a chef so he knows exactly what makes people get "B"s. Sometimes it’s for legitamate reasons and sometimes it’s for really menial stupid shit. As far as I know, you have to shut down if you are rated anything lower than a "B" so I don’t think "C"’s and "D"’s exist. Anytime I pass a restaurant that is a B I always feel bad for it. They are usually empty, and the few people who are there look visibly uneasy. Fortunately, I think you can go from getting a B to an A after a few months if you fix the problem.

So the funniest thing about this celebrity pizza place is that they have a "B" in the window! Like, there was a whole line of people dressed in their finest clothes trying to beg their way into a restaurant that was rated with a B. Isn’t that hilarious? I wondered if they cared at all… or if that had anything to do with why my friend and I were able to get in… or if like… the fact that Steven Speilburg eats there 3 times a week makes it OK to have roaches in your kitchen. I wondered how long it had been a B for… hmm. Weird. I guess people in Hollywood would rather eat somewhere that celebrities hang out at than somewhere sanitary. The wine was really good, but the food was like, nothing crazy. It sorta tasted like I was at California Pizza kitchen.

ANYWAYS back to my moping. Sometimes I really think I want to go back to being gay. I know most of the people reading this are guys, and I’m sorry if this makes you angry, but really… why do you have to be such jerks sometimes. It’s like all women were born with a crazy gene and all men were born with a jerk gene and the jerk gene and the crazy gene don’t know how to compliment one another. I don’t know which came first. I think the crazy gene developed because the jerk gene was so prominant, and it speads and multiplies and has crazy gene babies because the jerk gene encourages it to. I also think that as the crazy gene takes over your body the jerk gene gets stronger in a mans body. I actually don’t know if this last paragraph will make sense to anyone but me.

I dunno. Maybe celebrity pizza is just bad for your soul.

Now back to my out the window starring.

xoxox

Joanna Angel