Alright well I have had a crazy crazy past few weeks which entailed a whole lot of fun stuff- but then it all ended with someone ruining my good spirits and stealing my car. You probably already heard about this on Twitter but here I am not confined to 140 characters so I can tell you the whole story. Yuck. I shot a big movie- called LA Pink which was a parody of LA Ink. It was the first feature porn movie I funded myself.... every other feature length porno movie I made in the past was funded by another company so it was kind of a big deal. It better do well or else... I will have to update this website with nothing but cuddle videos, and dry humping videos. Right after LA Pink was the LA porn convention- Erotica LA... which was a lot of fun, until Sunday at 1:47.

First of all- to backtrack.... I bought an Escalade back in December. I decided not to blog about it because I thought it was kind of obnoxious to tell everyone that I got an Escalade. I have always wanted one- ever since I first came to LA and gave Vince Vouyer a blow job in the back of his Escalade- I was like... man, I want one of those. In December.... gas prices went down- and it was around the time of my birthday-  I pooled together a bunch of my savings, and birthday money and bought myself an Escalade. Yes, I know they're bad for the environment- but they sure are great for driving to shoots with a bunch of lights in the car and suitcases full of bras and panties - and for you know, looking like a gangster.

Well whatever. Think what you want about my choice in cars. I'm sorry if you disapprove. It was a material thing that made me happy and it made the hours a day I sit in traffic a hell of a lot more enjoyable.

Yeah well- on Sunday at the convention- I pulled up into the parking garage of Erotica LA. I paid $12 to park. It was about 12:30 in the afternoon. I even talked to the car! You see- all that was left were "compact" spots- and I said in a high pitched baby voice that most people use to talk to their kids "don't worry- just because you can't fit in a compact spot like the other cars, it doesn't mean you're fat! It really means you are special! Yeah! That's right baby- you're a special car!" And then I pet the steering wheel like it was a cat. I mean really- don't you talk to your Escalade? This is complete normal behavior.. right?

Anyways- I went into Erotica LA and did my thing. You know, took some pictures, signed some autographs....at 1:47pm I got a call from Lo Jack saying that my car had been moved. I was like... oh whatever, it's gotta be some mistake. I figured maybe someone bumped the car or something like that. I sent Brian Street Team out- I was like... uh... can you go see if my car is in the garage?

After five minutes he didn't return and I had a feeling something was wrong. He came back with a sad look on his face. I knew it was bad news.

I went outside and flagged down a police officer and he wrote a police report while staring at my boobs the whole time.I panicked and asked if he could track the vehicle and he said "well I have to go back to the station and enter this information into the computer before I do that" and then I walked away and the cops just sat there for at least 15 minutes. I walked up to them and said "I'm sorry, could you please enter my information into the computer asap? The longer we wait the further the car will be" and the guy said "lady, thousands of cars get stolen every day- I can't treat yours like it's anything special." UG! When I was in high school, I hated cops because they stopped me from drinking in the park past 9pm. I didn't have a good reason to hate them- but I sure hated them. Now I hate them on a whole new level- it's a hatred that can't be gratified by calling them pigs or giving them the finger. OK ok- I am sorry, I'm sure there are good cops out there, I just haven't come into contact with any in the past few days.

Well now, for the past three days I have been calling my insurance, and LoJack, and the LAPD on rotation- everyone tells me to call the next person, and they all ask for the same information each time, say they are passing it off to someone else who can do something.... then when that someone else gets in touch with me they just ask me all the same information again. Like, what is the VIN #, what is the make and model of the car, what was the license plate number- what time did you park the car, who was the last person who drove the car, did you lock the doors, do you have the keys, what is your address, what is your phone number, what color was the car, was there any damage done to the car..... blah blah blah. Yes. I have answered all these questions about 100 times- on the phone, via email, and in writing. It doesn't seem to get me anywhere. While I wrote this blog entry I called the police station one more time- who said "look, everyone is out patrolling the Laker game today- so you're going to have to call back tomorrow"- CLICK!! The click signified someone hanging up if you couldn't figure that out. The I called LoJack again- and they took my VIN #, address, make and model of the vehicle, my daytimephone # and my cell phone and told me they were passing on this information to someone else who would be sure to help me. Someone, somewhere is sitting around with like 8 thousand post-it notes with all of all my information on it- turning it into wallpaper or something.  

This really is a hassle. I just wanted a fancy car I could bang chicks in. I never asked for any of this. 

Anyways- here are some photos Curtis Walker took of me at the AEE expo in January in what was my new car at the time. See how adorable we were together?  

Anyways- in my next blog I will post some photos from my epic movie LA Pink and I will also post some photos from Erotica LA.  

xoxox