I
went to Wine Country- Napa Valley on my birthday- which just happens
to be on Christmas. I think most of you know that my birthday is on
Christmas but for those of you who don't- uhh... yeah... my Birthday is
on Christmas. Myself and Mr. James Deen went on a quasi romantic/ drunk
voyage to Napa for a few days as a Birthday present to me. It was
quite nice. I ate a lot of cheese and got extremely drunk. The photo
above is me at one of the winery's- looking all prim and proper and
shit. As you can see my lips are all purple. My face looks kinda gross.
This was one of those pictures where when it was small and on the
camera I thought I looked pretty hot- but looking at it now I am like
YUCK. Unfortunately I did not bring Destro Damus with me to Napa so
the photos aren't so flattering. So yeah- even though Napa is a very
DRUNK place to be, it is also a very sophisticated place. It is not
punk. It is quite the opposite of punk. It is a good place for old
Jewish people with alcohol problems who don't want to admit they have
alcohol problems. I actually don't have enough time for an alcohol
problem- and being in Los Angeles I have to drive everywhere- so an
alcohol problem would be really counter-productive. Perhaps when I am
older my alcohol problem will kick in. Where the hell am I going with
this?
Oh yeah. So anyways- as I was saying....Napa is very "sophisticated"
and I just wanted you to all know that I am not a sell-out- and I still
hoed it up out there, even amongst all the bourgeois- ness. I did not
get sucked in! I just want it to be known that when I am on vacation, I
am still a hoe.
So on one of the wine tours me and James sneaked around the wine
barrels and took some dirty photos. Here are a few. They have been
sitting on my desktop for like 2 months now- it is about time I showed
them to you. Just close your eyes and pretend it is like December 29th
2008 and I am posting these because THAT is what a responsible blogger
would have done.
I know I know- that wasn't a dirty photo... don't worry, they're coming.
So- this kinda dirty sort of.... right? I mean seriously- we were like
3 feet away from a bunch of yuppies getting a lecture about grapes.I
could only do so much. I could pretty much do one thing at a time. So
here is a portion of my vag.
and here is a boob.
and here is my butt hole and stuff.
I just thought this was kinda funny.
and here I am trying to stick a $700 bottle of wine inside me woooohoo.
and
here is the dude who worked at the winery. He caught on to what we were
doing and wanted to be in a picture.... so I said yes. Here he is. I
forget his name- I think it may have been George but I actually have no
idea.
Somehow
mysteriously my panties started to unravel. I don't think this was
because of anything erotic. See- I only brought my ugly panties on this
trip. I save my nice panties for YOU PEOPLE - you know, for dancing
gigs, photo-shoots, videos, gang-bangs... you know that sort of thing.
I only brought my ugly panties- or as James calls them "grandma
panties"- to Nappa because I didn't intend to do any of that stuff. I
only intended to drink wine and eat food. But anyways, here are the
grandma panties in full effect- along with some sexy razor-burn to
boot. In my drunken state, I thought this was hilarious so I took a
picture. So I don't know. Keep the photo- maybe if I am really famous
one day it can be used as some kind of black-mail or something.
errrrm- you can also find this same blog entry on xoxojoannaangel.com
Dnothing!
