So when I first got my schedule for the weekend- I saw "12:00pm- Friday" on the sheet. I figured this meant midnight on Friday... I mean... 12:00pm really should mean midnight... especially for people who work at night. In fact I want to petition for noon to be AM and midnight to be PM. Who do I need to speak with about this? Shit is obviously a lot different now than when they invented the AM and PM laws.
But yeah...unfortunately, 12:00PM does in fact still mean noon, and I am in fact dancing naked on a pole at noon tomorrow afternoon- or today. Yeah. I don't even know what else to say about this. My vagina is going to be served as part of the lunch buffet.
Deature dancing is interesting. I really have no idea what the hell I am doing. The girls at the strip club here are so insanely hot. Seriously.... like every stripper is beautiful- and they are also all very heavily tattooed. Like 8 of the girls working tonight had full sleeves... and chest pieces, and all sorts of other shit. It was kind of awesome... although in addition to the girls being very hot and very tattooed.... they are also pretty mean. Well- no. OK- I guess I deserve to be hated. I remember when I was a stripper- I always hated it when feature dancers came in. I mean...girls bust their asses at the strip club every night and the features just walk on in like they own the place and they get all the attention, and sometimes.... all the money. It's awful. I tried to be humble but there isn't much I can do. I know- I am the enemy. Maybe by tomorrow they will warm up to me a little bit.
I get my own dressing room. I feel like such a cunt. Seriously. I remember when I worked in Manhattan at a club the dressing room was the size of a closet and on Friday nightes like 80 girls had to share the space... and shit got ugly. It was totally survival of the fittest to try and get an outlet to plug your flat iron into. Here I have my own room, with like enough outlets to plug in a curling iron, a flat iron, hot rollers, a hair dryer.... etc. I could have potentially styled my hair in like 12 different ways and still have more outlets to spare.
The dressing room was filled with posters signed by all the porn stars who had featured there before. There were all these posters from the 90's depicting girls with like double F sized fake boobs and crimped blond hair- posing in front of like, a bunch of different colored laser things. or lightning bolts.There was also a slew of 80's and 90's stars garbed in like, Egyption goddess cleopatra type gear.I dunno. The um... whole back to the future backdrop, and the plastic surgery chic look- you know, obviously,. it's not my thing but like... I get it.The whole egyption thing though-yeah I don't know about that. I have masturbated to the thought of licking Barbie's vagina. I haven't shared this same type of fantasy from any of the women in the 10 Commandments.
There was a signed old school poster of Jenna Jameson, from when she was.... you know, a porn star, who did porn. She wrote "Centerfolds- I had so much fun!!! I can't wait 2 cum again =) - xoxo Jenna Jameson".
She wouldn't be caught dead writing anything like that now, anywhere.
Well, I did my best to be as feature-tastic as possible. My first "show" I had like, a white trash ensemble.... you know... daisy dukes and wife beater and such... and I danced to like, Pantera, and some other shit. For second "show" I wore something all gold and sparkly and danced to like, hipster-ish kinda dance music... like the Ting Tings and The Knife. I kind of just want to dance in my pijamas and some flip-flops tomorrow at noon.
Brian Street team is passed out on the couch in my hotel room. He drank like 19 red bull and vodka drinks and puked int he toilet.I know that doesn't have much to do with anything but I thought you should all know this.
anyways, if you're in sacramento- please- come meet me at the lunch buffet! You can eat a burger while I give you a lap-dance. It will be awesome.
xoxox
Joanna Angel
Old BA Site!
