You know that song, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU  yah well, it seems I cannot escape it.  Ever since my road trip to philly when Emrys played it at LEAST 5 times a day, ever since then it's haunting me. I'm like, hearing it in my dreams, not acceptable.  Also, what is not acceptable is the fact that it's APRIL and it's still fucking snowing in western, MA.  NOT OK!

So, this past week was, an interesting one to say the least. tuesday and wednesday were spent doing lot and lots of computer work.  I have so many fucking sets that need to be edited it's insane.  I did release a whole slew of photos from my bday party and the suspension performance in philly tho.  I STILL have sets I shot in philly to edit tho.  thursday I worked the day shift at Anthony's and had a good, laid back day.   left a little bit early to go to northampton and meet up with Sam, from Rites of Passage.  We went shopping for a while, and I discovered that Sam is actually a un boy to go shopping with, and he has good taste in womens clothes.  I got myself a new wallet because I had been using a dollar store wallet ever since my wallet got jacked from center stage.  ANYWAYS: then we met up with Emrys, and Oldin, whose the newest member of Rites of Passage and he's just starting to learn stuff and he's a cool kid to hang out with.  He's an EMT in worcester  think, and he's vegan and straight edge.  Add another sxe vegan kid to ROP...yah, that way I can be one of the only meat eating drinkers in the group.  ANYWAYS: we had awesome mexican food, and then I got to meet up with Miss Jessie Lee, and DJ Ron from Anthony's.  we were meeting out fearless leader, aka the manager, Eddie for a show, Gomez
Gmez is that fucking band that has a song on nip/tuck, you know, these douches: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8bDpzpDVu4
so we went to the show, Jessie who's into like, good electronica and like, the faint and like, eighteen visions and like, fallout boy (ha!)
and Ron who's into like, good techno and the song I'm on a boat
and me, and ya know, I'm into all sorts of things.  Gomez however, is not one of them.
I can honestly say without reservation that it was THE worst show I've ever been to in my entire life.  There was way too many flannel shirts going on in there.  So then we went across the street to the tunnel bar where Eddie, our fearless leader was.  Of course he was surrounded by lots of cute, young, impressionable girls.  But they all left us.  Tunnel bar, I should mention, I was banned from long ago.  After a bright eyes show one night, where I sat and drank whisky with conor oberst and later threw a bunch of peanuts at the bar tender for taking too long.
ANNNNYWAYS: it was a verrrrrry long night but I do have some fond memories.
The next day Jessie and I went into Anthony's to work, but I was absolutely NOT in the mood, so I sat in the dj booth with Ron and made fun of people and watched Jessie dance, always a pleasure.
Jessie and I worked at the club saturday and sunday night also. Sunday before work Emrys and Oldin and I met up to perform 2 suspensions for 2 first timers.  Both 4 point suicides.  It was AMAZING and it felt amazing to be part of.  Both of them went up without any problems and loved it and can't wait to do another one.  It made me want to hang SO badly.  We had hooks all ready for me too, but I had to go work at ANthony's the next day.  Kind of hard to crawl around and be sexy with huge scabby holes in your knees.  So a stripping I went. Sunday after work another of our fearless leaders, took us out to breakfafst, where I proceeded to get way too emotional about my husband and money.  In that order.  I'm sure that Jessie and Matty both think I'm a little psycho, and maybe I am.
It's true, I am beginning to crack a little bit.  We only have 12 months left until he's out, and we've been thru SO much and it's been SO long and I've managed to stay strong.  But now, I'm just feeling so bitter.  Whenever I'm around happy people I'm jalous and pissed off and it makes me want to smash them.  Like, why are things going well for so many people and going so shitty for me?
Emrys is also moving to austin next week, and I'm bitter and angry abot that too. Because he's my only friend in western, MA really.  And I don't know who's gonna go on road trips with me and cook me food at 4 am and watch law and order repeats and lets not forget.  WHO is going to suspend me?  Sure, there's approximately 47 other group members, but Emrys and I have been doing suspensions together for ten years now, it's really hard to say goodbye to that.  Especially at a time I feel like I need it so much.  Boohoo.  I know, 'll quit being so emo about it soon.
I don't know WHY I am so overly emotional lately.  I think I just really need to get in a good fistfight, or maybe do something drastic like get a huge cutting.  It's also possible that all I need is to get laid.  There is a direct corelation between my sexual deprivation and my anger management issues.  If someone doesn't fuck me soon everyone around me will continue to suffer.
So monday Jessie and I went into work yet again, where I had a pretty good day, and then there was not enough girls and I didn't want to leave DJ ron stranded because he does nice things for me all the time.  So we stayed till the bitter end.
And then drove home where I continued to be overly emotional and screamed and cried on the phone with Joy.

I know, I know.  I need to relax, a vacation or something.  Unfortunately I had to cancel my trip to the Dallas suscon because I can't afford it.  It would be entirely irresponsible of me to go.  Even tho 80% of the people I care about and cal my family will be there doing life changing things and learning from each other.  I'll be taking my clothes off on stage.  Which is malso pretty meaningful and life changing for anyone seeing my perfect tits for the first time.

Today: was filled with driving and computer work and house cleaning.  Tonight, I'll be writing a long letter to my husband whom I havent seen in 2 months and havent spoken to in about 3 weeks.